Yesterday I visited one of my favorite Bartlesville destinations, the Bartlesville Public Library. There is a darling college girl who works there that I have become friendly with over the years. I think we bonded over Young Adult books. I haven’t seen her much lately because she’s now working in the reference section and I’m in and out of the library as fast as I am the grocery store even though I love it more.

Anyway, yesterday she she was at the front desk. She saw me and said, “Haven’t you been married for a long time?” I told her that yes, we have been married for almost 31 years now. She asked if we are happy. Again, I told her yes. And she asked why.

Whoa. Hmmm. On the spot. Why. Why?

I could see she really wanted the answer to this question and I didn’t want to just give her something just for the sake of saying something. I wanted it to be the answer that she wanted, the answer that would be helpful.

So I told her that David and I couldn’t be more different. Seriously, I couldn’t even come up with the words that would describe just how different that we are but I told her that we love each other and have common life goals. That we never disagreed on how to raise our kids because we share the same moral fabric, the same life plans, goals, dreams. I told her that in our difference we completely compliment each other.

I asked her if she was doing a school project and she said no, that she and her boyfriend are discussing a future. She said she has seen so many people who are miserable in their marriages and wanted to find someone who wasn’t and find out their secret. I felt honored that she would ask me such an important question.

As I was walking home, I thought a lot about our conversation and remembered a Thematic Reflection that I gave back in 2007 at Greater First Baptist Church. It contains the secret to our 28 year marriage. I have now dug that reflection out of my files and printed it for her. I’ll give it to her the next time I see her.

As I told her, it’s not always easy to be married but that anything worth having is worth fighting for. David and I have fought for what we have all these year later and we are blessed. I pray that my darling college friend is equally blessed in her life and her future marriage.